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How To Be MORE Assertive | Standing Up For Yourself Without Being A Jerk

13545 ratings | 419767 views
How To Stand Up For Yourself And Say NO! https://www.iamalpham.com/index.php/topics/stand-up-for-yourself-2/ Tiege Hanely http://www.tiege.com The BEST Men's Skin Care http://www.tiege.com Tiege Hanley http://www.tiege.com Pete & Pedro: http://www.peteandpedro.com My Website: http://www.iamalpham.com My Services and Products: http://www.aaronmarino.com Best Hair Product: http://www.peteandpedro.com Best Grooming Tool: http://amzn.to/1ri4OTn Tiege Hanley Skin Care: http://www.tiege.com All promotion and advertising inquiries: [email protected] Alpha M. App: http://www.alphamapp.com/ Best Hair Product: http://www.peteandpedro.com Best Grooming Tool: http://amzn.to/1YrOnCJ Free Hairstyle E-Book: http://www.iamalpham.com/ezine Pete & Pedro: http://www.peteandpedro.com FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/IAmAlphaM Twitter: https://twitter.com/IAmAlphaM Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aaronmarino/ My Businesses: Alpha M. Consulting: http://www.aaronmarino.com i am alpha m: http://www.iamalpham.com Pete & Pedro: http://www.peteandpedro.com MENfluential Media: http://www.menfluential.com StyleCon: http://www.mensstylecon.com Tiege Hanley: http://www.Tiege.com Alpha says it's a reality check time-- live is tough and only the assertive will survive. We treat people how to treat us. Don't be a push over and make sure to stand up for yourself. In this video men's style, grooming, fitness and lifestyle expert, Aaron Marino of IAmAlphaM, AaronMarino, and Pete & Pedro discusses how he grew up from a boy to a young man who couldn't stick up for himself. He associated confrontation with bad things. With each small victory of assertiveness, Alpha's confidence grew. Assertive is defined as aggressively self assured. To realize your full potential you have to be assertive. Assertiveness grows from the following: 1. confidence 2. speaking up (find your voice) 3. having positive confrontations
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Text Comments (932)
Nice video
Luke (26 days ago)
Step 1. Realize nobody gives a fuck about anything unless it effects them Step 2. Put yourself as number 1 and don't care about others Step 3. Set firm boundaries with everyone but stay fair, and respectful, only get assertive when necessary, you will know when someone is trying to cross the line Step 4. Start winning
Richy M (27 days ago)
Excellent video bro. This is exactly how I think. Small victories = big success! Thanks alpha M.
Be kind, but firm when you need to be - life nailed
Angela N (1 month ago)
I love this video ...and really wish it were directed to both men AND women! Appeal to the other 50% too because we have to experience and learn everything that you spoke about here too. 😁
Daniel Hernandez (1 month ago)
Just appear menacing.
Thatfool Forlife (1 month ago)
Time to change my life, thank you for this
Nedeljka Babic (1 month ago)
I stand up for others. I do not always stand up for myself.
What is this? (1 month ago)
At the start of the video he rosted his whole ancestry.
victor perez (1 month ago)
Did I miss something? I don’t think you said what I had to do to be more assertive. You just said go grab it. Grab what?
Christina Awesome (1 month ago)
i'm a chick. this helps, yo~
Aku-Chan (2 months ago)
0:09 Dood... Ima gurl... O_O
Alcott Cuntworthy (2 months ago)
Alpha M, could you please put a secret symbol on your videos that are just to make money from advertising men's products? So we can just click Like, post a random comment; then move on to your videos like this one? The ones you make from the heart rock!
Mir Olson O (2 months ago)
I feel as if looking back at these posts from others in the past it's like I'm reliving my own life. I can quite explain what's wrong or going on with my situation but looking back at these comments I feel like it's describing me ! I get so angry with myself because I'm so passive but it turns me into passive aggressive. I'm beginning to wonder what I really fall under. I explode but don't do so at the person until they hit the last inch with me and I go bat shit nuts and then eventually apologize saying it's everyone else or this n that feeling bad because I worry about hurting feeling's. I know they ain't caring about me but I can handle the hurt because I'm already got a hard shell from bein treated shitty over yrs time. I'm used to sparing ppl of hurt even when I'm miserable no matter what
Mir Olson O (2 months ago)
I am exactly like u used to be. I'm not afraid of anyone I just don't think I can grab the words when it comes to confrontation. I think ill sound like an idiot when it comes down to it but can't seem to remember what I was going to say because I get angry quick I'm so passive aggressive
Little Leaf (3 months ago)
I started a new job 6 months ago. I was bubbly, active, happy and energetic. My boss is always nagging at me but it's not what she says it's how she says it. We have 3 shops in different parts of the country. I'm doing my ultimate best and our manager dropped out 2 months ago and I was thrown into the deep end and with no training. My boss called me thick as in stupid and not to my face. She said it to one of the other employees in another shop. I had to hear this from someone in another shop and I couldn't fend my self. 😢 deeply hurt and upset. If I am smiling when the boss comes to the shop she says what the joke "come on what's the joke" . Nothing. I'm just smiling. But now I'm broke. Feel sick and nervous when the boss rings. I'm not sleeping. My head is reeling and I'm crying all the time. I love the job passionately but I'm weak and so broken. 😢😢😢
john wick (3 months ago)
Get to the point bruh💩
Nathalie Grieves (3 months ago)
At the end of the day u are more important then the next person.
darknlovli (4 months ago)
I love his vulnerability
Queen Zey (4 months ago)
thank you! I'm taking this advice
Ted Clubberlang (4 months ago)
Illinois Dave (4 months ago)
Right on
Moupiya Sawoo (5 months ago)
Thank u
Marvin Robinson (5 months ago)
Good video
Kevin Yo (5 months ago)
Confidence. Find your voice. Not all confrontation has to be negative.
Clare Dodd (5 months ago)
Err 'Gentlemen' what about us women???
Edwin Cabrera (5 months ago)
Low key was sexually abused and felt insignificant. Started a YouTube account and caring about his image thus alpha m was born
Fadhil Khalid (6 months ago)
2:10 nice to start
You look more beta than alpha! You've got 4.5 million beta subscribers! Ummm this indicates there's more betas out there than alphas! And they all reside here!
Valentino Rabanne (6 months ago)
Speaking up will bring you success in life
Mr Spacetime (6 months ago)
Trying to teach a friend how to be more assertive. I learned from being a security person at a bar where it is of utmost importance to be assertive. I struggled all my life with being assertive, but i got finally got some really good role models to learn from working at that place. Now i have a friend who i see so badly in need of learning how to be assertive, and I’m trying to find ways to show them. I’ve seen them too many times get walked on, and i try to tell them all the time how closed mouths don’t get fed, and how much happier they would be if they just take a small leap of faith with being more assertive.
FAKE EXPERT!!!? LITTLE MAN SYNDROME?? SMALL DOG BARKS AT BIGGER ONES!!!$-%+%;#:@ Bigger stronger everyone wants $ & alpha!!! No one want small!
Something Random (6 months ago)
I love you
mark johnson (6 months ago)
this is the stupidest shit ive ever heard
Commander Nelson (6 months ago)
This is why the golden rule is really made of garbage. Mutual respect is one thing, giving up to everyone else is nothing but loss.
Vishnu Varma (6 months ago)
Man....god bless you I see your emotional input and your passion to make the world a better place. Do a video on momentum it's gonna help a lot of people.
Butt Mash (6 months ago)
Clickbait. You only showed how to be aggressive, now i can never stop being a jerk.
Ljj277 (6 months ago)
Thanks for making this video. You are a gift to the youtube platform. Keep up the great work. I am currently working on being more assertive.
Paul Hetherton (7 months ago)
This also applies when seeking employment, when you get the job and if it feels right then grab it.
Skinny Davenport (7 months ago)
I'm autistic and I need to take my stuffed mammoth Ellie with me when I leave the house. My mom has been difficult about it, but I'm determined to stand up for myself. I'm 23 and it's time for some boundaries. Thanks for the great tips! :)
Steve Smekar (7 months ago)
But you did not say or show how to do it... examples.
Dr. Kevin King, Psy.D. (7 months ago)
Generic platitudes. Vague WHAT to do, zero HOW to do it.
Joshua Ducao (7 months ago)
1. Be confident 2. Speak Out
ghettowinnebago (7 months ago)
What would you like to do to my balls? 4:50
Raikked (7 months ago)
“fuck niggas don’t get respect but ima die about mine”
Reaper Motions (7 months ago)
It's hard to stand up for yourself when they know karate.
Ermengarde McAllister (8 months ago)
I'm an 18 year old female but THANKS
Some Dude (8 months ago)
nice one!!
GachaBlox Gaming (8 months ago)
When it comes to my classmates borrowing my thingss: Classm:can i borrow your brown paint Mind:i cant help but to borrow this to her *annoyed* Me:okkk,alright but donttt wastee itt Mind:i am such a pushover *so annoyed*
Charlie (8 months ago)
i was raised to be kind rather than smart, and i wish it was the other way round. In my 16 years of being here, i have learned that so many people take advantage of that and it's just wrong. But recently I have tried to be more assertive and it is working. I learned to say no, learned to fight my corner more in times when I need to. This video really helped, so thanks AlphaM
Ultra Master789 (9 months ago)
When someone tries to block, show them that you rock!
Beats by Clover (9 months ago)
This dude knocks on peoples doors asking for us to buy his mixtape. Dude is annoying as fuck
AspieGirl 89 (9 months ago)
Awesome video! I've been afraid to speak my mind because I was worried that people will attack me and get angry but I am more assertive but still learning but yeah. Thanks for sharing!
Drishti Aggarwal (9 months ago)
😭 I m so utterly touched...its so relatable ... I too have a not so good family background n faced similar problem... It is only Now that I have realized how screwed my childhood was . Now that I m an adult I have started working towards self improvement... Thanx alot for this amazing video 💖😁
paraspective1 (9 months ago)
This video just triggered a major breakthrough for me. I really don't care if anyone reads this or not I just need to get it out there, I don't want to keep it to myself. I'm 33 years old and for all my life Ive been intelligent, funny, reliable ect. but asserertivness or lack thereof has always plagued me. Background: My parents divorced when I was 5. Fortunatly (if there is such a thing that comes with divorce) their divorce was amicable. Myself and my sister never had to endure our parents fighting or talking down about the other to us. All that aside, divorce has horrendous effects on the children involved no matter what. We are very fortunate to have loving parents. I have been really working on myself and the issues I have over the last year and a half(thanks to the Lobster king if you know who I mean). I've been really trying to figure out why I don't stand up for myself but have no issues standing up for others most of the time. I avoid confrontation. I don't want to rock the boat. I don't want anyone mad at me because I stood up for my needs which would cause them any sort of disruption sadness or whatever it may be. I work part time at a homeless veterans house( I am an Iraq vet myself). Long story short I had to discharge a veteran last night due to repeated drug use. I had major anxiety when I had to confront him. I was shaking as I was talking to him. It was horrible. I rarely if ever have that kind of anxiety. I have realized I really need to work on this problem. It not only effects my ability to do my job but it has effected me most of my life. I can think of so many situations I just went along with what someone else wanted because I didn't want to rock the boat. Today I find this video. About one minute into it a memory from when I was 12 came flooding back to me. Ive thought about this memory from time to time but this time was different. When I was about 7, I asked my mother if I could go live with my Dad. This question I'm sure caught her off guard and she told me dismissively "when you're 12 you can". She eventually forgot about the situation. I didn't. A little while after I turned 12 I reminded her about it. She was fairly upset but tried not to show it. She decided to schedule an appointment with a psychologist friend of hers. So we both went to the appointment together at her friends residence. I remember feeling very awkward like I had done something wrong but I wasn't in trouble. If I remember correctly the Dr. talked to us together briefly then took my mother into her office alone. I don't remember how long she was in there but I vividly remember her coming out of the office in tears drying her eyes. I felt terrible. Like I had crushed my mothers heart. I wished I had never brought it up. I had been looking forward to turning 12 and living with my father since I was a small boy. I needed my father. I needed to learn how to be a man and had a biological need to do so. A step father is no supplement in every single circumstance. Children need their father. Their actual father. I don't care if their actual father is a scumbag and the stepfather is a saint, children need their actual father. A step father will never ever ever replace their father. Now I wished I had never asked for what I wanted.. I was flooded with shame and regret. It was my turn to go into the office. I don't remember much but I remember keeping my answers as short as possible so I could just get the FUCK out of there. I never stood up for myself like that again. This video has changed my life. If you made it this far into reading, thank you for taking the time. I can finally become a better me.
Nickscharger (9 months ago)
I needed this. At work my co-workers ask me for help to do their job, (not mine, mines already done) several times a day 5 times a week because they always say they are so "busy". And I always come through for them, but if I need assistance which is rare probably once/month they look at me like I'm crazy and I'm asking for too much, because she will make snide little comments. God forbid they have to stop eating and playing on their phone at their desk and get up. oh I forgot they're "busy" that's their go to word. I seriously need to get them a step counter it would be under 100 steps a work day lol.
CatKingCole82 (10 months ago)
I'm so unbelievably agreeable that twice in my life I had roommates who didn't pay any of the rent and bossed me around. They actually convinced me subconsciously they were the one taking care of me and I needed them. Once I realized what was happening and moved out they couldn't live there anymore. That was a long time ago and I've gotten a little better since then. But I do need to work on assertiveness, it's causing a lot of problems in my life.
Lion (10 months ago)
I'm always following your steps i started with body language i'm hitting the Gym learned to be more social or tho i believe i still need more however standing up for myself is really a problem i'm 21 and still suffering from that and i think its time to fix it thanks for the tips its really helping me a lot.
Mr79Man (10 months ago)
Thank you. I fit the same description you had. This is a struggle for me. I'm always trying to please others. I act as a doormat. I find I get disrespected a lot. I will work on myself. Thanks.
Moriah T (10 months ago)
Ben Ruegg (10 months ago)
Love you bro. This is what I needed
KingOfAllAnimals (10 months ago)
Thumbs UP! The world is full of disrespect and used car salesmen. Liars abound. As Frank Zappa said in his song 'The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing' ... "Your ass ain't even number one. You ain't even number two," and, "It's your ass that's on the line." Respect is tough these days. There is not enough of it going around it seems.
Uchiha Wolf (10 months ago)
You're an amazing speaker. Once again, thank you for your insight and tips. You're a life-saver.
Jaden Almeida (10 months ago)
Trash talk like muhammad ali
Nanaue (10 months ago)
As a MAN, A Queer MAN. I Love this!
Gumball 4870 (11 months ago)
I believe it’s some of my parents fault I’m very quiet and scared. My dad gets angry if I say no to things or if I make a mistake or back talk, so I’m used to not saying no to other people
Amin Samnani (11 months ago)
Alpha M i agree with you family should teach their children to be assertive
Josh Humphrey (11 months ago)
You are wrong
Shawn Worrlein (1 year ago)
Nice job! As a therapist, I can see you've done your own work thumbs up
Doris Mullins (1 year ago)
A great message to society. Thanks for the video.
Dawn to Dusk Designs (1 year ago)
Thank you for sharing! This is insightful and helpful for my students whom I see for counseling sessions. You rock! :) All the best, A u r o r a
mike488555 (1 year ago)
Ahhh this is me - and I’ve had enough...
Anssh Anand (1 year ago)
When you realize ur father didn't have a father
Jonathan Robinson (1 year ago)
:| I hate this guy...but he's right society is fucking corrupt!
Leah Elizabeth Jones (1 year ago)
Thank you
Salem Baron (1 year ago)
This guy looks like a metrosexual Beta male. Why is his channel called Alpha male lmao his cute hipster haircut, ear piercings, feminine eyes and voice. He is the opposite of the defintion of a man. A man doesnt care about his looks as much as a woman does. But he does, apparantly.
Chrysus (1 year ago)
This video changed my life.
KRYMauL (1 year ago)
My parents told me growing up to not speak loudly, and now I have become soft spoken and just let people walk over me because that's just how I was raised.
Nader Nadernejad (1 year ago)
It's IS aggressive self-assuredness. I've become extremely confident after practicing it and learning to put myself out there. I always tried to scale back the aggression though to not offend or hurt anyone. I'm not talking about outright aggression, but I mean verbally and with my tone of voice. I've had people step all over me conversationally and I've stood up for myself in an ultra-peacekeeping diplomatic way, but I never pushed back enough and they continue to push their luck and take advantage. You know that feeling when somebody is recklessly throwing words around and speaking from their gut with no concern for your status or feelings? There's tension between me trying to hold my ground while being polite at the same time. Fuck it. I'm pushing back. I have convictions and beliefs and if I have to exert my power, I certainly will.
Raggle Daggle (1 year ago)
I actually believe in being assertive without being aggressive. It basically makes you say what you want or don't want, without sounding like a jerk or being weak. You say it without any further justification needed. It's more stronger and very pleasant.
DemonShinobiX (1 year ago)
Love this video!
Kshitij Gupta (1 year ago)
Love from India man 😊😊
BiGGRay (1 year ago)
Nice video bro pls check me out
Gulmakai Saleh (1 year ago)
WOW! I can relate to you a lot. Many people tell me I need to be more assertive even though I have been blessed with a lot of other great skills. Thanks for the video.
Manuel Bernal (1 year ago)
Awesome advice! I feel we all need a push every now and than to remind us of who we are and what we are capable of doing! 👍🏽
Paul Fredericks (1 year ago)
This guy sound like a kid ...
Cavendish Lung-sukki (1 year ago)
not easy to make these kinds of changes. you received good therapy. kudos to you, Sir.
shadile Iyambo (1 year ago)
Brendan (1 year ago)
This is one of my favorite alpha m videos
Swedish American (1 year ago)
Excellent advice for my 13 y/o son. Thank you so much.
!#$a (1 year ago)
OMG sooo true I could literally beat the shit out of people (which I don't do) but I could NEVER shout at anyone. I can't even remember the last time I raised my voice... thanks for the great video Alpha, really enlightening
JafarT Jenkins (1 year ago)
thank you
Karthick Durairaj (1 year ago)
The truth 💯
The AGDP (1 year ago)
Is Fluttershy watching this?
Nicole Barney (1 year ago)
Not a guy here, but oh my gosh, you hit the nail on the head! I actually just found this vid because I just had a confrontation with someone where I finally stood up for myself. And you're right, I actually feel all shaky and nauseous as the adrenaline has kicked in. Thanks, now I know I did the right thing and that this is normal. Hopefully it gets easier
Linda W (1 year ago)
Great video. I’m going to watch this many times. Thanks for sharing this
Samjag85 (1 year ago)
He actually said a lot about nothing
sean donnelly (1 year ago)
see my problem is i just get ANGRY and it's hard for me to keep a cool head during confrontation. So I have absolutely no problem standing up for myself but I can alienate others if I'm not careful.
zuminaguzuki (1 month ago)
I just realized how much anger I have. I yelled, "I'm happy in the shower at my loudest today and I think everyone heard me." They better be careful because someone might actually die and I go to jail.
Neo Johns (1 year ago)
Thanks man this is really helpful.
jizzledfreq (1 year ago)
See... My problem is being 6'6", there's no way for me to be assertive without others feeling threatened...
Ivan barman (7 months ago)
Ahh I got two inches on you and I feel the same. People complained about me at work for just talking to them... and my bosses made me feel like I should feel bad about those people... just keep doing your thing
Enrique picazo (9 months ago)
jizzledfreq Don't feel like that man im a pretty big dude belive me when I say I've seen dudes smaller than me that are way more aggressive than me. It's all about the mental aha
Lil DGabriel (1 year ago)
But u cant let them walk over u they dont care how u feel so dont care about how they feel (to a certain extent)
JOSRO (1 year ago)
jizzledfreq same happens to me, I'm 1,90m, (idk in feet)

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